MundaneBlog

January 31, 2025

Finding Family or Finding Victims?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — DrMundane @ 2:11 am

Family estrangement (in the sense of children or parents choosing to be disconnected from each other) is not a new topic for me. I remember reading issendai’s site on the topic in 2018 or so and finding the whole thing quite captivating. I generally subscribe to the view that we all have an absolute right to choose who we interact with and spend our time on, and that one does not owe anyone connection solely based on genetics.

Imagine my passion, then, when I read a piece by Lexi Pandell in WIRED this morning: “Are You Lonely? Adopt a New Family on Facebook Today“. Any look at estrangement will be complex, and without both sides I must admit I will be unable to make any definite statements one way or the other. But as Issendai pointed out those many years ago:

“The keywords to find abusers’ support communities are “estranged parents” and “grandparents’ rights.” – Down the Rabbit Hole

My worry with any such group is that it encourages people looking for support and emotional connection, which are certainly needed as much as any glass of water or meal, into a situation where they are matched with potentially abusive people. I know that is a bold claim that does not leave much room for good intent here. But I worry in such a way owing to the genesis of the group and it’s leader, whose actions with her own estranged family include the following:

Donna created another Facebook group, which is part open letter to her grandson, part chronicle of her experience as an estranged grandparent. She has written to her grandson about how he was a third cousin of Bob Dylan, sent him wishes for a happy Easter. She wrote letters about how his parents were keeping the family apart and attached an image of a $25 check written out to her son, which he had ripped up and returned. The content is incredibly personal, like encountering someone’s diary, but the group is public—how else would her grandson find it someday?

Her behavior is typical boundary pushing (writing checks and letters and sending them to the estranged child, thereby continuing to contact them against their wishes) and feels indicative of the kind of estranged parent that is toward the more narcissistic or abusive side. I do always err on the side of assuming children have good reasons for cutting contact, as the weight of society and perhaps your entire childhood press you to not sever your relationship with your parents.

Trying to contact people who do not wish to talk to you is abuse.

I think this article does not sufficiently deal with the family abuse dynamics that may be present, and thereby acts to rehabilitate it’s subjects (the estranged parents/grandparents). After all, they did not choose to follow parents who cut off their children, but those who were cut off.

The article cites one professional source:

Today, around 27 percent of American adults have cut off contact with a family member—one of the highest estrangement rates in the world. And it seems to be on the rise, according to Joshua Coleman, the psychologist and author of the buzzy 2021 book Rules of Estrangement. “Online support groups, Instagram influencers, TikTok influencers,” Coleman says, “all are huge contributors to this phenomenon.” While estrangement has always existed—abuse and divorce are common causes, as are disagreements over money, religion, sexual orientation, and politics—“never before was it characterized as a pathway to personal growth and identity the way it is today,” he says. But just as social media can lead to alienation, it can also bring people together. After all, Coleman runs his own private Facebook group for estranged parents and grandparents.

To my ears, this sounds like confusing a “left handedness” (or divorce rates post no-fault divorce) situation with “the kids are being influenced by social media to be trans, sorry, force of habit, to estrange their parents. I think the more logical explanation, and the one that preserves the children’s personhood and autonomy, would be as follows:

Given the nature of the parent child relationship up to the present day, in which the culture is and was so skewed towards owing your parents connection and respect solely for birthing you, is it any wonder that once presented with the view that, no, you actually are allowed to cut off your parents, that you are not inherently immoral or bad for doing so, and that there are good reasons for doing so, that more people would avail themselves of that remedy? It is no simple or easy task to decide on cutting family off. It is not a step these people take as a first resort. And yet, Coleman wants you to think of them as pursuing an identity. That they want internet clout and some apparently false ‘self-actualization’ all at the expense of the parents, who certainly didn’t do anything worth such drastic action….

You will find I do not believe in that line of thought. I feel as though they disregard the true feelings of these ‘children’ (many of who are, of course, full adults) as impulsive or somehow unconsidered. I think it is a construction that places them back into the role of children, who really ought to listen to their older and wiser betters. This incurious eye extends to the subjects of this piece. Turning back to our subject, we learn that the main subject of this piece, Karen, has two children, both of which have decided to cut off contact with her. As far as the information we have on the estrangement goes, it appears to be at the behest of the children and appears to be very limited to no contact. Given this, I find a couple of points of information very interesting.

Point the first:

Karen still expresses frustration and sadness about her daughters and keeps up with their whereabouts through mutual friends. When Angel the dog died, Karen texted her youngest daughter the news—but used a new number and posed as a family friend.

That sure sounds like circumventing a the younger daughter’s request to not be contacted. Why else use a new number and pose as a family friend? Thats a big strike and indica of abusive behavior to me, ignoring a clear boundary and circumventing perhaps the daughter’s blocking of her own number.

Point the second:

SEVERAL WEEKS AFTER my trip to Minnesota, Karen calls to say that she’s in touch with her youngest daughter again. Her daughter’s brain cancer has returned. Karen’s voice shakes; patients with this diagnosis tend to live five years, maybe less. She wants to help her daughter through treatment, but her daughter has only agreed to communicate by phone….

When Karen got the news of the diagnosis, she hired more workers for the farm so she could drop everything for her daughter. She waited for a call that never came; her daughter stopped responding. As months passed without her daughter asking for help, Karen was left with an open calendar.

This is a stark scenario. I can not imagine facing down my mortality and then faced with that also have to manage my relationship with my estranged parent. And then she clearly decided that she did not want to communicate with Karen. To me this is such a powerful message that I would find it so hard to believe anyone but the children. I take some small comfort in thinking the daughters have each other still, as the piece alludes to the daughters being involved with each other.

One final blow:

For years, Karen’s daughter made soap, helped with the goats, and manned farmers’ market tables. Then she turned 18 and got a boyfriend. She quit her job with Rapha Farms a few days after her 19th birthday and, not long after that, moved out of Karen’s house. She got married in 2023. Karen was not invited. “I honestly don’t understand what happened between us,” Karen wrote in a Rapha Farms Instagram post congratulating the couple

“I don’t understand what happened between us”

The missing missing reasons. I hate to lean so strongly on issendai, but I believe they have put together such a comprehensive account and analysis of family estrangement it will stick with me the rest of my days. I find it terribly prescient and convincing, and will always admit that my view is terribly shaped by it.

But yet it still tracks. She doesn’t know why her youngest daughter cut her off, it came out of the blue. We only hear one reason from her on why her youngest might have estranged, and it is this:

Four years later, in 2023, Karen’s younger daughter, with her older sister’s help, left too.

Is it the older sisters fault? This feels like the closest thing we get to a reason, and it either (in the kind view) reports only that the older daughter assisted the younger, or it implies the older daughter ‘convinced’ or otherwise pushed the younger to cut off their mother. I don’t find the 2nd view to be supported by just that text alone, but it still rattles in my mind. It feels like the sort of thing you get in these situations. Leaving in my drafting-note-to-self for this section as one last indicator of my incredible bias.

— last section before close reiterating my biased-as-hell I only believe the children view —

Abuse is a complicated thing. One does not spend all their time being abused, but may spend much of it in generally acceptable, or at least non-abusive, periods. One will even be happy on occasion. None of this changes the abusive parts of the relationship, though. I worry that people searching for connection may end up being matched with some folks who may end up victimizing them.

The found family dynamic, too, is complicated. I hope that the parent/child dynamic that can be so abused to control or manipulate children is not so strong in such a relationship made of free choice, therefore lowering the amount of effort required to sever ties if any such party wishes to.

I hope all these newfound families work out. I hope they are prosperous and help each other and everyone gets a chance to build and find families for themselves. We are all owed such a chance. We are all owed second chances too. I am, perhaps, overly negative and ascribing too much weight to the red flags.

But I worry this article obscures some warning signs that, to me, would preclude my involvement if I were so inclined to build a family. There are signs that are troubling, and things that to me signal some degree of caution. I think if one knows these things and has fair warning then you can take that risk, but this article does not provide any context or explanation of such issues.

January 19, 2025

AI and Gender – Heteronormativity?

Filed under: AI,Gender,Technology — Tags: , — DrMundane @ 2:33 pm

I came across a newsletter by Joanna Stern, wherein she reports that Apple Intelligence often adds a “husband” when it is summarizing her wife’s messages.

When asked about this, she reports Apple responded that

  • Apple’s AI tools were built with responsible AI principles to avoid perpetuating stereotypes and systemic biases.
  • Apple’s addressing these issues through updates to its AI tools and is improving the accuracy of its models.
  • The company is encouraging people to report these issues while these AI tools are still in beta.

Now all that is well and good, but I am of the belief that owing to the nature of this “AI” and the way I expect it is implemented, as generative artificial intellegence, that it will never be able to ‘outrun’ the bias inherent in its training material. That is to say that because the “AI” must be trained on a corpus of material prior to being able to generate the summaries (in my assumption of how it works) and because that corpus does not contain context that statistically will ever reflect the marginalized, queer, etc., then the “AI” will always be unable to “react” as a human would.

I have written previously about the intersection of gender and AI, see Gender Classifier and on Facial Recognition , and to be honest this post is mostly a marker of one more datapoint to add to my argument. I make it mostly so I will be able to track back to here once needed.

If the “AI” can not be trained and guide-railed enough to figure out a contact named “Wife” is someone’s wife, then it strikes me that the potential here is… limited. And I have no interest in submitting my work to become grist for this particular mill, even if it were to increase the quality.

This being my first post in a month, I will leave it here. Thanks much,

-DrMundane

December 8, 2024

Further Signs of What’s to Come

Filed under: Gender — Tags: , , — DrMundane @ 3:51 am

I have written before that I expected the Republican agenda to be one of trans genocide if they win. 

I (am considerably enriched by some Laphroaig Quarter Cask) suddenly feel the urge to write on this once more, now that the decision has been rendered and we are in for the whole cruel agenda. 

Perhaps it is because the agenda is now stated explicitly. Perhaps the Supreme Court in United States v. Skrmetti will deliver to the states the ability to deny care and thereby commit these murders. 

But new from Punchbowl News comes this story. No less than a commissioner of the FTC (The fucking ftc!) aiming to be the chair intends to engage in fighting against gender care. I think it is clear that this anti-trans genocide agenda will extend throughout every agency in the Trump government. 

They make it clear that this agenda does not just include youths but adults as well. To quote the apparent pitch:

“Fight back against the trans agenda. Investigate the doctors, therapists, hospitals, and others who deceptively pushed gender confusion, puberty blockers, hormone replacement, and sex-change surgeries on children and adults while failing to disclose strong evidence that such interventions are not helpful and carry enormous risks.”

I would be remiss if I did not state that these are all objectionable lies. Beyond that, it must be repeated. They state in black and white that their agenda extends to adults.

P.S.

found another great article that you must read

Yours,

DrMundane

December 3, 2024

Links you Should Read 2024-12-2

Filed under: AI,Consumerism,Daily Links,Technology — Tags: , — DrMundane @ 12:08 am

Starting with one from Wired this morning.

Sonos appears poised to go down the enshittification rabbit hole, if their fortunes do not turn. A particularly galling quote:

And while the overall speakers per household were actually up to 3.08 from 3.05 last year, with a slowing new user base, how can Sonos continue to make money in what is looking to be a saturated market?

The answer is they can’t! We’ve sold enough fucking smart speakers! Please stop the planet is literally heating up. It’s just emblematic of the omnipresent drive to grow and profit and extract. Even the journalists writing the story take it for granted that this must happen, and will not spend a single line arguing that they actually don’t need to grow year over year. Maybe their business model wasn’t sustainable, and they should learn the hard way why unlimited growth never works. Instead, they will use their new subscription ready app to squeeze the people who have already bought in. They have altered the deal, pray they do not alter it further.

For the next story, Mike Masnick over at Techdirt going over how he actually uses AI. An old post, but it came to my attention again in his newer post.

I must say I am fairly convinced that AI could be useful as a writing assistant. It does make me want to try it. But then again I have enough trouble writing when it only comes down to getting motivation. Adding more steps to my process would undoubtably prevent me from finishing.

I did have an occasion at a dinner party recently to actually talk to someone in education about their usage of AI. I was, at first, taken aback that someone in my real life actually uses AI and they have positive things to say about it. Their argument does mainly revolve around the “time” factor. They are used to having a lot on their plate, and for them AI is useful for creating presentations, simplifying language (write this so a 4th grader can understand), and otherwise helping them create new material quickly.

I mainly listened and questioned on this occasion, and did not get into my more… animated feelings. Still, I actually do hope to get into more discussions on AI in real life, and hopefully I will have the presence of mind to argue my full position convincingly.

That’s it for today, enjoy.

November 24, 2024

ChatGPT in the classroom – one thought experiment

Filed under: AI,Technology — Tags: , , — DrMundane @ 2:08 pm

Reading Mystery AI Hype Theatre 3000 this morning, on ChatGPT having no place in the classroom, and I tried out a little thought experiment. It goes something like this:

Let us assume we are in, say, an AP Literature class. I imagine the hardest part of grading such a class in reading and scoring several essays for each student over the year. I know for sure my terrible longhand cursive was a painful thing to read for my poor teacher. But what about an AI? Can the AI (unable to come to any factual conclusion or reason, just statistically generate) be used to speed this up?

I think the major problem is the inability to actually understand the students writing, but let us take for granted that improvements to large language models will somehow be able to overcome this fact with sufficient data and computation. That seems to be the claim of Altman and the others, but to be clear, they will not.

We know that currently these LLMs scrape data from the public internet, so can safely assume that they do have a robust source of information on AP Literature questions, books, themes, etc., from forums and other sources seeking to help students. Much of the writing will be done by students themselves, so another bonus is that it is writing representative of the population. So far that seems reasonable.

But there is already one problem. The writing is not representative of the whole population of AP Literature students, only those with access to these online resources and/or willingness to engage with them. I was a student who would never workshop their ideas or practice their writing online. I was simply too private for that sort of thing. The dataset certainly would never include my writing.

I would therefore argue that any such LLM grading students work would be inherently biased against students whose writing does not line up with the LLMs source material. It knows which essays deserve a 5 and which deserve a 1 based on it’s dataset. Based on statistics. It does not understand the rubric or intent, and therefore is unable to rate new (to it) but correct writing in a fair manner. You will therefore teach students to write like the corpus of text ingested by the model, not to find their voice and style. You teach them to look at the prompt and come up with the ‘correct’ answer, not an answer that necessarily comes from their own experience and understanding of the literature in question.

I think this alone makes the use of AI impossible in the classroom, owning to the discriminatory potential.

Another example that springs to mind: what about queer analysis? What about LGBTQ+ students? Will their viewpoints and experiences be reflected in the corpus? I doubt this highly. This means any such student may be able to write a brilliant analysis of a book through a queer lens and it will matter not, because statistically it doesn’t match what a ‘5’ is to look like. It uses all sorts of words that probably aren’t associated with ‘5’ essays. The LLM may even deem them ‘profane’. It therefore is not a ‘5’, in the view of the LLM.

I think these two thought experiments illustrate why I believe, beyond all the technical problems and overselling, that even a GPT that lives up to the hype and can be made factually correct will never be suitable for any evaluative work. Used to such an end, the AI encourages normative expression and discourages breaking boundaries. It truly discourages real feeling and art.

November 21, 2024

Links you should read – 2024-11-20

Filed under: Daily Links — Tags: , , — DrMundane @ 1:35 am

I don’t know why I love starting my morning with garbage, but it stirs me to write so…

NYT (archive) piece on Democrats and their approach to transgender rights moving forward.

The ‘politics’ of it all does not stir me, I think it’s obvious they must try and show some real humanity. They must speak clearly in favor of and make the case for transgender rights.

The part that got me to write was the following:

“Roughly 55 percent of voters said support for transgender rights in government and society has gone too far, according to AP VoteCast. More than 60 percent of adults say transgender women and girls should not be allowed to compete in sports with other women and girls, a Washington Post-KFF poll found. And strong majorities oppose minors’ using medications or hormone treatments, according to the Post-KFF poll.

At the same time, more than 60 percent of Americans support protecting transgender people from discrimination, according to the Pew Research Center. Most also oppose the government banning gender-affirming care for minors, including medication and surgery, Gallup found.”

I will leave the sports issue for a later time, what gets me is the poll numbers from the Post-KFF poll. I started to dig into that, but the righteous anger at that piece from me is a whole post in itself. I don’t give a damn what polls say on the matter of human rights. No amount of context makes horse race “65% of German people polled in 1941 think we need a solution to the Jewish Question” writing on these issues better.

I don’t think such reporting will serve to educate the American public any more on these issues. I don’t know what my point is, I just get wound up and this is the outlet. It’s my blog after all so ha!

I do need to pull one quote from the Post-KFF poll though: (photo caption and article text)

Valarie Johnson of LaBelle, Fla., is clear on her stance when it comes to discussing LGBTQ issues in the classroom. “Why would you introduce that subject to children when it has no life skills?” she said. (Saul Martinez for The Washington Post )

Valarie Johnson, 67, of LaBelle, Fla., said there’s no place in school for these sort of discussions. “Is that going to help these young people get a good job or a good spouse?” she asked. “Why would you introduce that subject to children when it has no life skills?”

I think a real education on gender, what it actually means and how sex and gender and sexuality are not linked would benefit everyone in having good relationships. Furthermore, for any trans youth or youth with any gender or sexuality that is not straight ahead heteronormative, the power of hearing that you, as you exist, are not bad or wrong is tremendous. How will you ever find a good spouse if you think you are essentially bad or wrong? How can one get a good job when you suffer the stress of presenting the ‘right’ kind of person based on what others perceive you ‘should’ be?

It is easy to cast stones at the theory and teaching of gender when your gender is set up by the world as the ‘correct’ interpretation (cisgendered and passing). Gender seems to not exist because yours (and the binary other) is allowable to it and privileged.

A quick NYT rip again “Speaker Mike Johnson Says He Will Ban Transgender Women From Capitol Bathrooms”

Never be fooled into thinking their ‘concerns’ (hate) stops with children. Children are being used as a tool. Once they have power they intend to target every trans person.

“Sarah McBride doesn’t get a say,” Ms. Mace told reporters on Monday. “I mean, this is a biological man.” Ms. McBride, she added, “does not belong in women’s spaces, women’s bathrooms, locker rooms, changing rooms — period, full stop.”

Straight out of the TERF playbook. The casual cruelty of these people shocks me (I am far too hopeful it seems).

Next, a neat? series of photos (and a link to a book with more) by the Stasi.

Finally, a positive read from my archives. A very interesting blog about trauma surgery and what not: Doc Bastard

I meant to write more on tech, but got to the end of the day without getting the chance and needed to wrap up.

November 17, 2024

Links you should read 2024-11-16

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — DrMundane @ 12:02 am

Staring at 404media.co, with Becky Ferreira writing this weeks edition of ‘the Abstract’. The portion that really stirs my mind is the story on AI poetry, and how in one test readers preferred the AI generated poems. Why? To quote the article quoting the research

“Non-expert poetry readers expect to like human-authored poems more than they like AI-generated poems,” said authors Brian Porter and Edouard Machery of the University of Pittsburgh. “But in fact, they find the AI-generated poems easier to interpret; they can more easily understand images, themes, and emotions in the AI-generated poetry than they can in the more complex poetry of human poets. They therefore prefer these poems, and misinterpret their own preference as evidence of human authorship.”  

I must say I am disheartened by this result. Not particularly surprised. As far as I am concerned much of the joy of poetry is in chewing on it. I have had great conversations on the poems I send out on my Christmas cards, and I feel this only because both of us had really thought on the poem (A burdock clawed my gown, not burdocks blame, but mine…) and then weeks later had a chance to discuss what it means to us. Luckily poetry will live on, I have no fear of that. We may just have to sing its praises louder.

On the politics front, Orac at Respectful Insolence describes why exactly RFK Jr. is bad news as HHS secretary. I can’t help but agree with him that the media has done a fine job of making RFK Jr. seem far more palatable than he is, and I expect that trend to continue. They will cover this administration ‘as usual’, so they can maintain their access.

In a surprising turn of events, I agree with Bill Clinton. Per the NYT:

President-elect Donald J. Trump made Vice President Kamala Harris’s support for transgender rights a core part of his argument that she was outside the political mainstream. His campaign used video of Ms. Harris expressing support for taxpayer-funded transition surgeries for transgender inmates in a torrent of ads that declared: “Kamala is for they/them. President Trump is for you.”

The Harris campaign largely did not answer those ads, but, internally, the Democratic Party was roiled by them. Former President Bill Clinton was said to have urged the Harris campaign to respond to them, and to have been told that they were not making an obvious dent in the race.

I had certainly felt (and have not written it… argh) that the Democratic Party had really failed in any messaging defending trans people, and this to me sounds exactly like how I expected them to talk about it. Running right down the middle and not standing for anything. Take it for granted that you will get their votes. Such an approach is not up to the seriousness of this moment. Token resistance will not be enough. Words will not be enough. Definite action will be needed. Will they be willing to pay the political cost? I doubt it.

I’m sorry. Perhaps I am too negative.

To end on a positive note, more from my archive.

November 16, 2024

Links you should read – 2024-11-15

Filed under: Daily Links,Surveillance,Technology — Tags: , — DrMundane @ 3:02 am

To start out the roundup, Karl Bode at Techdirt on Canada’s new right-to-repair law. See also Doctorow on Pluralistic covering the same for some further explanation. Controlling our devices is the first step to controlling our data, and in an America that is growing more authoritarian one must protect themselves and their data. Right to repair also means a right to disassemble, understand, and verify. Only when we fully know our devices can we fully trust them.

Following up on that, a guide from WIRED on protecting your privacy. Small steps.

Back to government surveillance, with a 404 media piece on the use of location data by the government (warrant required? Unclear). Even taking the assumption that under current law a warrant is required, I imagine there will soon be a federal judiciary willing to chip away at the 4th amendment. How else will we find the (immigrants/trans people/journalists/assorted enemies within)? I worry that I put too fine a point on these concerns. But then again, I would prefer to be wrong and advancing security. A ‘hope to be wrong and plan to be right’ kind of deal.

Hopping over to the archive of links on pinboard for something fun (but a long read): Closing Arguments of Mr. Rothschild in Kitzmiller v. Dover. My favorite quote?

His explanation that he misspoke the word “creationism” because it was being used in news articles, which he had just previously testified he had not read, was, frankly, incredible. We all watched that tape. And per Mr. Linker’s suggestion that all the kids like movies, I’d like to show it one more time. (Tape played.) That was no deer in the headlights. That deer was wearing shades and was totally at ease.

What a line. *chef’s kiss*

November 13, 2024

Links You Should Read – 2024-11-12

Filed under: Daily Links,Gender,Surveillance,Technology — Tags: , , , , , — DrMundane @ 12:59 am

Starting out with one from Wired, on facial recognition. Never forget that the terrain has changed for protest and online. I would certainly recommend anyone take steps to protect themselves moving forward. I am interested in the intersection of ‘dazzle makeup’, gender classification, and facial recognition in general. Genderfuck = AI protection? One can only hope.

Bonus link? The dazzle makeup one above. That machine-vision.no website seems neat, looking at how we conceptualize AI and machine vision etc. in media can tell us a lot about our worries and fears as a society. Back on course a little, dazzle makeup is one of those things I really wish were more true than it is. You can trick the AI, sure, but any human will pick out your face and track you that way. You become a person of interest real quick when you hide in that way. You need to blend, I think. Still, a person can dream.

Next up, one on pornography from techdirt. In a project 2025, Christian nationalist country, ‘pornography’ will not be limited to actual materials for sexual pleasure. It will be used as a label to restrict and remove LGBTQ+ material. It is literally the Moms for Liberty playbook, now coming to a federal government near you.

Wrapping up my links, read and subscribe to Aftermath!

November 12, 2024

Links you should read – 2024-11-11

Filed under: Daily Links — DrMundane @ 1:04 am

To start out the list, I’m catching up on User Mag this morning, so just read that and every link under “What I’m Reading”

https://www.usermag.co/p/metas-threads-overrun-with-liberal-election-fraud-conspiracies

https://www.usermag.co/p/algorithms-are-making-political-speech

The second issue here had a couple links I hope to write about and bring into my own work. Hopefully I get a chance to do that today (maybe even offline writing… in the forest!)

Pluralistic: General Strike 2028 (11 Nov 2024)

Short day today, I was writing on another thing though. May turn into a post, may not.

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